A Letter to Benjamin

Dear Ben,

We found out in April that we were going to have you and we were thrilled! My pregnancy with you was so easy! I never felt sick (just super hungry for Starbucks egg sandwiches!) In August we all got to go to the ultrasound and see what you looked like. We were a little nervous going in, hoping that you were healthy and everything was developing correctly. We saw your tiny hands and feet, we saw your cute turned up nose and we saw all of your organs in the right place. Your brother Luke was SO excited to be there to see you and held my hand the whole time. At one point he even exclaimed “this is so cool! I am looking inside the human body!” We got some pictures and a CD of the entire thing to take home and watch (which we did several times!)

As you started to grow I began to feel you move around inside me. You never kicked or hurt me in any way. I could just feel you gently roll your feet or knees or elbows across the inside of my belly. Sometimes, I wouldn’t feel you for a while and I would worry. But somehow, you seemed to know when I was thinking about you and you’d begin to move again. You always slept through the night – never waking me up. And were most active just before bed around 8 or 9 at night.

Toward the end of my pregnancy we were getting ready for and celebrating Christmas. We weren’t sure when you were going to arrive so we had to make sure everything was ready ahead of time. Daddy installed your car seats and Luke and Ama and Lala helped put your room together. The last thing we needed to do was come up with a name for you. We had talked about Sam, and Jeffry but neither seemed right for you. I liked Brenna but Dad thought it sounded to girly. Luke wanted to name you Max and still calls you that occasionally. Finally we decided on Ben. We know a lot of cool grown up Benjamins, and Dad and I also have always loved a play called the Yellow Boat. The little boy in that play is named Benjamin and he has a bright and colorful spirit. We chose your middle name to honor your pap and your Nana, who left us last year. Harrington was her father’s name.

Finally, the day came when you were due, January 3^rd, Nana’s birthday! You didn’t come and I was only dilated 2 cm. So, we went out to dinner to Carraba’s to celebrate your uncle Dan’s birthday. The next morning at 5:30 am I woke up on the couch (I had been sleeping there to help my hips be more comfortable) and felt some pain in my belly. I ate breakfast and noticed that the pain was getting a little worse. So I went upstairs and woke your Daddy to let him know that I thought it was time. We called Ama and Papa to come get your brother and let our doula know we were almost ready for her to come over. She takes the story from here:

The Birth Story of Benjamin Harrington Flowers

By Doula Dianne Hamre

You sent me a text on January 4^th, 2012 at 6:26am saying that you’d been having contractions for about 45 minutes. They were 3-4 minutes apart, lasting 30 seconds and were maybe a 2 on the pain scale. At 7:16am, you sent another text saying they were getting slightly more intense but still manageable. I didn’t want to get stuck in rush-hour traffic so we decided it would be best to head on over to your house.

I arrived at 8am where I found you laboring upstairs in your baby’s room. You were doing a great job concentrating through each contraction. You’d get up and walk it out and as soon as it was over, you’d sit down to rest. Contractions were getting stronger so at around 9:45am you got in the tub and stayed there for about 45 minutes. The intensity was beginning to increase and since we had a little drive to get to the hospital, we thought it was best to get things packed up and go. When we arrived, I parked my car while you guys pulled into the Valet Parking area. As soon as I saw Joe, he told me your water had broken about half way to the hospital…The front of you was SOAKED!

They took you straight to a labor and delivery room since it was obvious you were in active labor with a ruptured bag of water! The Triage nurse checked your cervix and said you were dilated 6-7cm, 100% effaced and baby was at zero to +1 station…We’re on our way to having a baby!

Dr. Donnelly came in at 1:15pm and checked your cervix again and you were now 9cm and a good +1 station. You were laboring beautifully…So strong, so peaceful! It wasn’t long after that you began to bear down involuntarily. You still had a little bit of cervix left so your nurse, Carol Ann didn’t want you pushing at all. Baby’s heart rate began having some decelerations and the room began to fill with observers. Carol Ann called the hospital doctor in while she was waiting for Dr. Donnelly to return. He came in and checked you and agreed that there was still a little bit of cervix left but felt you could push through it while he held it back. Carol Ann was convinced you should get an epidural before letting the doctor do this because of the discomfort. You were pushing for about an hour when at one point, Carol Ann walked to the head of your bed and said, “I don’t think this baby is coming out this way.” She then started to prep you for the OR by wanting to give you Pepcid and Reglan. I was so proud of Joe for protecting your space and telling her to wait. She was quite put off, but Joe was right…She had no reason to assume you were having a repeat cesarean. And while you were pushing wasn’t the time for that.

You had asked my opinion about getting an epidural. My thought was, if Carol Ann had information that indicated a cesarean was imminent, then it was definitely worth trying an epidural first. When Dr. Donnelly walked in the room, it was mentioned that you were considering an epidural. She immediately said that wasn’t a good idea and felt that it would most likely lead to a cesarean. She knew that your baby needed your strong muscles to push him the rest of the way down the birth canal and if you had an epidural, you’d lose that control.

Dr. Donnelly walked to the end of your bed and told you to give her a good push. When she examined you, your baby’s head was right there! It took another hour to get him underneath your pubic bone but once he did, it wasn’t long before he began to crown. We could see tufts of his dark hair and the tears began to flow! Two hours after you started pushing, your little guy emerged and was placed on your chest! Jessica, you were absolutely amazing! You never once gave in to the feelings of fear or doubt. You trusted your body and YOU DID IT! Your husband was in absolute awe at the fact that you had just given birth to your baby the way your body was designed and the tears were flowing. I’m sure we all had a tear or two!

Joe, you were such loving support for Jessica. They say the best thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother…Your children are truly blessed! Thank you both so much for the wonderful privilege of being part of the miracle of birth…Each one is forever a part of my life!

Benjamin Harrington Flowers

Born January 4^th, 2012 at 5:54pm

Scottsdale Shea Hospital

Weighed 7lbs 12oz and 21 inches long

Joins Big Brother Luke

It was so important to me to bring you into the world in a natural way. I am so glad it worked out exactly how we planned it. You were so strong and your Daddy and Dianne were such great coaches for me, and we had an amazing doctor who really wanted you to come out on your own. Together we made it happen and, although it was incredibly painful and sometimes scary, we did it. And I couldn’t have been more proud of all of us! In the hospital I hope you right away. I sung Michael Row the Boat to you to calm you down and then you ate like a total champ! From the beginning you were a great eater and sleeper and just an all-around laid back kind of guy! Now at almost 4 weeks old, you are on a perfect 3-hour schedule, can sleep anywhere and love to eat. You’ve smiled at us several times already and although you hate to have your diaper change, you have come to like the bath and tummy time and appreciate all of the visitors you’ve had.

I couldn’t love you more and feel such a great sense of peace when I look at you, hold you and feed you. Thank you for coming into my life Benjamin Harrington. I am cherishing these first days with you and am also excited to learn more about who you are and who you’ll become. We are so blessed and lucky to have you in our family.

All my love,

Mom